Tag Archives: job

I’ve fallen & I’m still not back up.

If you’re one of my past readers that’s decided to rejoin, welcome back, if you’re a new reader, welcome aboard. It’s been a year since I’ve been out and about in the blogging world and really is anyone out there still?

Anyway, some of you are wondering what the fuck happened. Well, I didn’t give up, that’s for damn sure.

From the time I was a tiny tot I could always remember having my shit together. Being the kid that was shy, quiet, well behaved and unassuming. I never caused trouble. I could play by myself or get along with others. I’d share my toys. In school, I’d do my homework and study for all the right tests. A good kid. Knew what I wanted: to be happy, successful and never have children so I could travel.

I went to college like I was supposed to, had my shit together there, met J-Bird, graduated with honors and got married the year after college. I KNEW what I wanted. To sit in an office all day doing graphic design meeting deadlines and taking a vacation once a year getting comfy and maybe get a dog or cat.

That’s when my shit became not so together anymore. That’s when I got fired from my graphic design job, couldn’t hold a steady job for more than a few months, got into a terrible wreck that changed my view on life and my medical needs. That’s when I knew I didn’t have a clue what I wanted nor did I have my shit together.

That’s about where you guys came in, I was living in the Amityville house, broke with roommates and feeling a sadness that was so deep that the despair became unbearable some days.

It’s something that’s still very difficult for me to talk about, even to those closest to me. In March 2012 I was diagnosed with depression right after trying to kill myself. It was more like I just wanted to numb the sadness more than physically remove myself from the planet. I’m on medication now and have been through therapy. Sadly, my life is still leading me on a rollercoaster ride of struggling to get better and to regain my shit.

 

This, of course is the very basics of where I’ve been but there will be more posts going more in depth about what’s happened with me and where I want to go. I hope this helps others struggling through the same issues or perhaps just helps me unload this terrible weight off my shoulders.

Always peace and love

BrennaG

All I know is that I have absolutely nothing figured out. And I hate those that do.

I’m going to go ahead & admit that I’m completely jealous of the couples that are my age that have it all together. How exactly did I end up living in the Amityville house working only part-time with a shower that doesn’t work & sitting in the floor? I’m not sure.

I’m jealous of the girl from work that got married 2 weeks ago, already purchased her house a year ago with the new hubby & they had already purchased new furniture as well. I never got those things. I don’t own a house. Most of my furniture (except my new couch that will be here next week-yay!) are cheap hand-me-downs. They’re already talking about starting a family (the only reason I know this is because of break room talk)…I can’t even afford a pet.

I don’t even speak to a good friend of mine from college because of my jealousy. I know, I know, I’m a terrible person! Judge me. But, she & I graduated together, got married less than 2 months apart, but she’s got it all figured out. She & her husband make triple what J-Bird & I make in a year, they purchased a house a couple of months ago, they look so happy, they have nice things, they each have a car, so on & so forth. J-Bird & I? Share a car. Share our house with Nick. I know, I know, I should be thankful for the things I DO have. But, then that’d be missing the point of my ranting post.

I’m jealous. I’m jealous of the people who have it together. I’m trying to pinpoint exactly where I went wrong. Was it when I decided to major in art in college? Or was it because I took 5 years instead of 4 years to graduate? Maybe it was because we moved only 2 weeks after graduating. Or maybe because I got fired from my internship a month after we moved. I could have been because we then choose to move AGAIN. Who knows at this point?

I just wish I could figure it out. Buy some furniture. Live in a nice place. Get a pet. Have a stable job making decent money. Get another car. C’mon. I’m not asking to run the freaking universe here.

BrennaG.

The grass isn’t always greener…

I have what I like to call the “grass is greener syndrome”. Meaning? I always think the grass is greener on the other side or that things or going to be better if I change something or if such & such happens differently.

I don’t know how I developed this syndrome. It’s the reason I’ve moved around a lot & switched jobs a lot in my adult life. I always seem to think that if things start going badly, I want to remove myself from the situation. Thing is, I can’t figure out if this is a good or a bad thing. Am I running from my problems or simply trying to create a better life for myself?

I’ve come to discover that about 95% of the time, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I hit the brick wall & I’m back to square one. What a vicious cycle.

I’m trying to do things differently this time, though. I really wanted to move out of the house we’re currently renting because we’ve had a lot of various problems, but we recently decided we’re staying in the house (infinitely) to fix it up. I just hope I can find peace & happiness with this decision.

Still struggling with the job thing…I’ll keep you posted.

Until next time.

BrennaG.

I’m totally cheating on my job…

I’ve been looking for other jobs. As a lot of you may know, I work at a dress shop. I’m looking for other jobs for lots of reasons (I’m itching to make a list, but I’ll resist the urge), but the 2 main ones being: the long commute to work & I’m only working part-time (so I need to step this up to full time).

Thus, I decided it was time to look for other jobs. Jobs that were within walking distance of my house & full time. I mean, I need the exersise & the money, so this all makes perfect sense. Over the weekend I went walking around, asking if anyone was hiring, 2 places were in the shopping center I was looking in to.

I scored an interview today with both places. I’ve already declined a job with the first place, as they offered me a part time job for less than what I’m making now (I mean, I’m bad at math but dangggg), I’m waiting to hear back from the other place.

I also let the dress shop (my current job) know on Monday that I was cheating on it with other jobs. They…reacted ok. Slightly unhappy to hear that I may be leaving I was simply told to keep them posted & be sure to give a 2 weeks notice. Switching jobs is tough, but I feel like I’m moving (generally) in the right direction.

I’ll keep you guys posted on the status of my job search.

BrennaG

At approximately 6:32 pm today I hit rock bottom.

I hear the term “quarter life crisis” thrown around a lot. Up until about a month ago, I’d kinda laughed it off. Then it hit me, I’m 25, no real job, no job prospects, no money, no real dreams & I live with a roommate (& my husband). SHIT. Here it is. My very own quarter life crisis. No, I didn’t ask for it. Much like a mid-life crisis, I never wanted the frustration, anxiety, pity & overall crappiness that comes along with it. Nope, never thought it’d turn out this way.

In fact, had you asked me 2 years ago where I’d be right now, I’d have been like rollin’ in dough with a terrific graphic design job in a really effing tall building, surely living in some super awesome apartment with a snazzy furniture, 2 cats, a dog & a bunny. Yea, I know, dream big, right?

But, alas that’s not exactly where I ended up. The economy went in the crapper & I’ve been kinda floating since then. Stuck in limbo, if you will. Not sure where to go next. I continue my job hunt, sort-of, when my motivation allows. Otherwise, up until this fine evening I had been content with working at the dress shop. Tonight my manager yelled at me like usual, I went unappreciated, like usual & then I hit rock bottom. I didn’t quit or anything, just starting to realize I need to pull myself together to pursue other jobs. Maybe. If I can find the motivation.

I think a lot of people my age are experiencing this so-called quarter life crisis (QLC-yea, came up with that just there on the spot, whuttup). Much of anyone that’s had the pleasure of graduating anytime in the past 2ish years has probably gone through some form of the QLC. I just hope it doesn’t last much longer because I have tons of things I need to get done before my mid-life crisis comes around.

J-Bird suggested I end this post with asswaffles. You’re welcome, honey.

BrennaG.

J-bird parties like a rockstar…at an interview.

Yesterday, J-bird had a pretty major interview with a company for a well paying position. As you know from previous posts, we’re poor…thus we sharesies a car. So, I drove him out to his interview & parked in front of this plain looking brick building with tinted windows. I told J-bird I would sit in the car & wait for him-I mean how long could it take, 20, 30 minutes max? WRONG!!

2 Hours later-I’m watching birds fly by my window, dozing off, watching men in business suits walk in & out of the building, watching the sun set, starting to worry J-bird has been kidnapped by aliens when the passenger door opens & J-bird hops in like nothing has happened. Me? Well I have the nose of a bloodhound. Sniff. Sniff. Glare. Sniff. J-bird starts to fiddle with his laptop case. It was the CEO’s birthday. They gave me free beer. Glare. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have been more shocked had he come back with a third arm growing out of his neck. You did what at your interview? He’s still kinda just looking down as he says, They gave me beer & let me party with them. It was fun. What the hell? I sat in the car for 2 hours while he partied with what could have been his future employer?! He better get that damn job.

It was a long ride home.

BrennaG