Tag Archives: husband

I can’t have pie because I lied to Jesus.

The strange knock at the door this morning left J-Bird and I staring at each other an entire 10 seconds before either of us moved. He was shirtless, so I said I’d get it. Mistake.

As I flung the door open, I saw 2 men dressed in their Sunday best and I realized I was about to be converted by the Bible thumpers. Crap. As the one guy started talking, my brain ran through excuses: my cat needed me, I was in the middle of spring cleaning, my husband was dying upstairs, fainting…we’re atheists, but thank you for stopping by is what I suddenly blurted out before my brain even had a chance to process what was happening.

The guy didn’t miss a beat, Why? What brought you to that decision?. Alright brain, you had taken control the first time, go ahead. But this time I didn’t have an answer. That’s because my first statement hadn’t been entirely true. You see, J-Bird and I just aren’t religious people, but not only that, we just don’t talk about it very much. Oh, we’re just more spiritual than religious, but you guys have a good day. That’s all I could tell the guy at the moment.

I then realized that J-Bird and I need to DTR [define the relationship] with Jesus.

to be continued…BrennaG

My mom got me out of jury duty like a boss.

As J-Bird & I were sitting in the floor in front of the couch the other day, he commented that he’d never been called for jury duty. Oh, I have, a few years ago. But, I got out of it. I commented nonchalantly. He laughed. You can’t just get out of jury duty. You’re such a liar.

You see, he does know me pretty well. He knows that I say crazy things all the time. This time, however, I was telling the truth. Back in college, I got the dreaded jury duty letter in the mail. I called my mom (of course, duh) to complain that I was wayyy too busy to do this whole jury duty thing, I had college to do.

Growing up, my mom was always the type of mom to write a note to get my brother & I out of everything. I know what you’re thinking: we should have taken on our own problems, my mom babied us (she did), whatever whatever, go ahead & cast your judgemental stares. Anyway, my mom asked me if I wanted her to write me a note to get out of jury duty. We laughed. We both knew she was joking, but only halfway. Then, we wondered if it would actually work.

I sent her the paper work & she wrote the note to the judge explaining that I was a very busy college student & would like to be excused from jury duty. A few days later, I received a letter in the mail telling me that I was excused. I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.

As for J-Bird, I think I’ve convinced him that they think he’s dead. Whoever they are.

BrennaG.

J-Bird is actually the wife in this relationship. It’s complicated.

I always tease J-Bird about being overly feminine. He is in some ways, but in many others, he’s not (he loves his wood-working & power tools). This post, however, is going to highlight one of the many reasons why I tease him…& I hope he doesn’t put me on the couch tonight for that. That couch is mighty uncomfy. Like, I think it’s just pure wood without any cushion.

J-Bird & I decided “together” that we needed a sewing machine. Thing is, I’ve never used one before (though I can sew, just simple things), J-Bird said we would benefit from it. We could enhance our artwork & mend our clothes (we’re poor). A few weeks ago, we found a fairly nice Singer on sale & I agreed that we should make the purchase.

Before J-Bird left for work on Monday, he told me that it would be arriving, but not to open it before he got home. He’s the one that knows how to use it, after all. After spending Monday with my mom, I got back to the house & there it was, the sewing machine, all packaged up & sitting on the porch. Then I waited. And waited.

When J-Bird finally made it home from work, he tore into the box & immediately wanted to start sewing. All I could to was start pointing to stuff & ask What’s this do? How ’bout this one? I was surprised at how clueless I was. I thought as a woman I would have some sort of natural instinct as to how to use a sewing machine, right? Wrong.

I watched as J-bird put thread on the bobbin thingie, all the while carefully explaining & re-explaining how to do each step. I was impressed. He actually let me sew a few stitches on a scrap piece of fabric, but as of right now I can’t use the machine unsupervised.

BrennaG.

J-bird parties like a rockstar…at an interview.

Yesterday, J-bird had a pretty major interview with a company for a well paying position. As you know from previous posts, we’re poor…thus we sharesies a car. So, I drove him out to his interview & parked in front of this plain looking brick building with tinted windows. I told J-bird I would sit in the car & wait for him-I mean how long could it take, 20, 30 minutes max? WRONG!!

2 Hours later-I’m watching birds fly by my window, dozing off, watching men in business suits walk in & out of the building, watching the sun set, starting to worry J-bird has been kidnapped by aliens when the passenger door opens & J-bird hops in like nothing has happened. Me? Well I have the nose of a bloodhound. Sniff. Sniff. Glare. Sniff. J-bird starts to fiddle with his laptop case. It was the CEO’s birthday. They gave me free beer. Glare. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have been more shocked had he come back with a third arm growing out of his neck. You did what at your interview? He’s still kinda just looking down as he says, They gave me beer & let me party with them. It was fun. What the hell? I sat in the car for 2 hours while he partied with what could have been his future employer?! He better get that damn job.

It was a long ride home.

BrennaG