Tag Archives: health

160 Ain’t Just a Number.

Chronic Migraines, they say. That’s what I have. Change of meds. Great, more pills. Just what I needed. Every time I move it hurts my head. So, I don’t really move much.

Which lead to this weight gain. I literally just now sat in my closet for like 30 minutes crying getting rid of clothes that I simply can’t fit anymore. I go to the doctor, they check my weight. I’ve gained 1-2 pounds every single fucking time.

What’s the fix? Exercise hurts. I don’t really eat too unhealthy. 160 pounds of me begs to differ, though.

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Childhood Demons

I’ve always just assumed I would die young. I said to her, laughing nervously. I always laugh in awkward situations. When did you start feeling that way? She glared at me, writing.

I don’t know. I shrugged. I guess I came to that conclusion because I was a very sickly child. I missed a lot of school, had a lot of fears…so I just figured that would lead to an early death…my voice trailed off. What kinds of sicknesses or fears did you have? She pushed her glasses up on her nose.

I was curled up on her couch, hugging a pillow as if I were still 6 years old trying to figure it all out. I always thought my house was burning down or there was a tornado coming. I thought that if I sat up all night, I could keep myself and my brother from dying. I guess I had childhood insomnia, but my parents didn’t notice. She shifted in her chair. Those are logical for small children. The difference is that you had to take care of and become independent so quickly that you felt that you held a responsibility in being the protector. I nodded.

I had issues with my ears growing up which led to 2 surgeries and with allergies, sinuses, that sort of thing. I also seemed to get the stomach flu alot. When I was 15, I found out I had kidney stones. It just seemed like I was never in school. My parents smoked around me and we had cats. She sighed. That probably explains it. The smoking. Children don’t do well around parents that smoke and it can affect their health dramatically.

So I’m not going to die young? I didn’t laugh this time.

I’m smuggling doughnuts in for grandma. I AM second favorite, after all.

Last night at 9:15, I got a panicked phone call from my younger brother, who lives in California, saying my grandma had been put in the hospital. I immediately asked the obvious questions, Why didn’t someone in North Carolina call me? Why is the kid that lives clear across the country calling to tell me this? What’s going on? My brother was getting his info from a text message sent by a cousin. Damn. My family has communication issues.

At 9:45 I had contacted my mom at her work to make sure she was in the know. She wasn’t. She flipped. My mom has 2 sisters, neither of which had called her at work. When she finally got ahold of one of them we found out that my grandma’s health had rapidly declined over the past few hours & they had taken her to the hospital because she could not breathe. Later that evening she was diagnosed with emphysema.

It had been a long time coming, I suppose. Grandma had smoked for…well, forever. Over the past few years she’d been having a lot of trouble getting around & breathing, but she wouldn’t stop smoking. What is emphysema exactly? I wasn’t 100% sure, so Wikipedia & I got together for coffee around midnight, long after I’d told my managers I wouldn’t be at work today, I had to go see my grandma 3 hours away. Emphysema is a long-term, progressive disease of the lungs that primarily causes shortness of breath. In people with emphysema, the tissues necessary to support the physical shape and function of the lungs are destroyed.”-straight from Wiki. Can’t be cured. Can’t be reversed. We can only make her time here more comfortable.

I left my house at 7:00 this morning to go see my grandma. I didn’t know what to expect when I got to the hospital, but I knew I had to do one thing: cheer her up. After all, out of 8 grandchildren & 2 great-grandchildren, I am the second favorite. 3 hours later, I had picked my mom up at her house & was getting some yellow roses at Lowe’s. Yellow roses are Grandma’s favorite. That’s when I saw the doughnuts. She loves the chocolate covered ones with the creme in the middle. I grabbed a doughnut to smuggle in to the hospital.

I’m always one to be slightly intimidated by hospitals, but never one to let it show. I walked into the room & was heartbroken at the sight of my grandma, pale, covered with tubes & bags & needles…but I didn’t let that slow me down. I sat the roses down, told her the room needed to be brightened. She was thrilled to see me, apparently no one had told her I was in town. I asked her if she’d eaten. She mumbled No. I smiled, I brought something to make you feel better. What kind of diet do they have you on? She shook her head. None really. They told me to eat whatever I wanted, they just can’t get me to eat that’s the problem. I pulled out the doughnut. I thought she was going to leap out of bed & take my arm off.

2 bites into the doughnut, a nurse comes in to check her blood sugar. Fat chance! Grandma glared at her. Well, you can prick my finger on that hand, but I ain’t putting down this doughnut, I don’t care what you say!

The rest of the day I spent mostly wondering when they were going to kick our family out of the hospital for…well, being us. To sum it up, my mom flirted with a doctor, my mom tried to get me a date with one of the cafeteria workers (& he may have asked me out), we ate ice cream out of a vending machine in the hallway (wtf?), my crazy great-aunt called me old then wandered around looking for jobs & I stalked a hot male nurse.

BrennaG.