Guys, no joke, the stuff that pops up on my “Top Searches” creeps me the hell out. Actually I wish WordPress would just get rid of that feature all together. I could do without it. I really don’t need to know what people are typing into the search bar that leads them here, to this lovely paradise.
Lately the most searched phrase in my top searches is “my dad had sex with me”. Alright, guys. Let’s be clear here. I DID NOT do a post about that. I did a post a couple weeks back about the sex talk with my pops. Just sayin’. And if you’re struggling with your dad having sex with you, please, go tell the cops. Or your therapist. Or your mother. Or someone other than WordPress. Kthanks.
Also, globophobia gets searched all the time! Freaking nuts! Apparently everyone is scared of balloons. Like we should have a national globophobia day with a festival & shit. It’d be great. No balloons required. Just lots of funnel cakes.
Who’s with me on getting National Globophobia Day started?!
Also, watch what you search, I’m watching you.
Rushing to Google globophobia? Or are you actually reading to see if I’m going to tell you? Or maybe you suffer from it too. Doubt it.
Globophobia: the fear of balloons.
I had mentioned it in a post once before, quietly, & promised to do a post about my strange fear. That’s when I decided to Google it & discovered it got a super cool name. Saweeeeeet.
But, in all seriousness, my palms are sweating just typing out this post. I’m seriously terrified of balloons. I don’t really know how or when it all started, just as long as I can remember I’ve hated balloons. My friends used to pick on me as a kid. They’d pop a balloon close by & I’d start crying…torture, I know. But as an adult, I’ve been able to hide it pretty well. I usually don’t freak out or anything as long as they’re not too terribly close or as long as another person isn’t physically touching them. I can’t stand the sound they make when someone touches them. Also, its only the latex ones, not the shiny ones.
Typically, around the time of my birthday, I remind coworkers & family members that I do not like balloons so please do not get me any & I like to avoid Party City at all costs. That’s mostly how I deal with the fear. However, if I’m ever caught off-guard, I will run. This past September while visiting Cancun, I was caught off-guard while we were watching a show. I didn’t know balloons would be involved & as soon as I saw the bag of balloons being pulled out I looked at J-Bird & he just nodded. I took off. I didn’t go back into that room for nearly an hour I was so freaked.
So, I live everyday with the fear of balloons, aka globophobia. I’ve also discovered that lots of people have this fear, supposedly. I swear, they should feature me on the MTV show True Life. I’d make a terrific story. Wayyy better than someone that can’t please their parents.
Do any of you have some super cool fears you’d like to share? Any have cool names?!