Tag Archives: ghetto

This is my ghetto version of getting a pet bunny.

There’s a bunny living in my yard. I’ve seen her sitting on my porch & outside my window, so I know she loves me dearly.

Today I decided to name her Apple-Anna. I chased her around the yard trying to snap a few pictures, but she’s a bit faster than I am, then she disappeared & I think I may have gotten poison ivy on my foot…

Anyway, we’re best friends now & she eats my grass for me, so I have no reason to attack my yard with scissors!


My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

Not true. But lots of college students do pass through my yard due to it being a corner lot. Because of this strange walk-thru effect, I’ve heard stories that this yard has never, ever had any grass.

Until of course when we moved in.

Now we have sprig-like kind of grass growing in spots. Like, some of the sprigs are so tall they reach up to my hips. Now, granted that isn’t saying too much being that I’m only 5’3, but still.

I told J-Bird the other day that it was time we do something about the yard. Its getting to look a little jungley out there. He suggested a lawn mower. I don’t know where he thought we were going to get one of those from, but no. Also, we’d look completely dumb trying to use a lawn mower on such small patches of grass.

I suggested (duh) the obvious: a weed eater. He said that was also a dumb idea & he didn’t know where we’d find one of those at either. I told him that anyone over the age of 30 should own a weed eater, so it shouldn’t be that hard. I really don’t know why he’s making things complicated.

I think we’re going to end up going out there with a pair of scissors, which currently is the only solution we’ve both semi agreed on. I mean, sure its ghetto, but if we do it at night no one will ever know. The neighbors will just think fairies came in the middle of the night to make the yard beautiful. That’s what we thought for the longest time about the lady across the street. Until we saw her hoarding Mexicans one day.

I mean, it wouldn’t be that bad, would it?


The Asian Plaza (does this sound racist to anyone else…?)

Day 2 of couch hunting. It wasn’t really in the game plan to have couch shopping roll over into today, but J-Bird & I decided we weren’t satisfied with our options from yesterday, so we drove to the ghetto with the hopes of finding something cheaper.

Instead, we found bad drivers, adult stores galore, used car dealerships, pawn shops & the Asian Plaza (does this sound racist to anyone else…?). After driving around for 20 minutes the GPS took us to the back side of an old warehouse. I was pretty sure we were going to be murdered. Over a couch.

At my wit’s end, I told J-Bird we were going home. On our way, he mentioned we should stop by JCPenney to see if they had any couches. I reluctantly agreed. I mean, at least its in the richish part of town. Before we knew it, we were in JCPenney, falling in love…with a couch, that is, I was opening a credit card & the sales guy was telling us it would be delivered next week. WE ARE PROUD OWNERS OF A NEW COUCH, YA’LL!

We’re terribly excited. I’m so excited I actually admitted to J-Bird I like that new Justin Bieber song in the car, then I sang it loudly to him. So loudly, in fact, that he wouldn’t open the door when we arrived home in fear that the neighbors would hear what we were listening to. Whatever.

*happy dance*


Apparently finding a new couch is a lot like searching for bigfoot.

In previous posts, I have tried to explain in so many words how much I hate my current couch. Actually, we don’t even use it. Ever.

We’ve been talking about getting a new couch for years now, but have never had the money to do so. I’m finally fed up with ghetto styling it & sitting on the floor, so we are taking the leap into getting a new couch.

I was under the impression that we’d go to a few places, find the one, it’d be delivered next week & we’d live happily ever after. No, no, no. Apparently finding a new couch is a lot like searching for bigfoot. Impossible to find. Perhaps it’s because we’re being really, really picky about the kind of couch that we want. We want a couch with a chaise lounge on it, nothing too terribly big, no leather and our budget is $500 and under.

We’ve been out shopping all day & came back home with 2 contenders. One is previously rented & will be slightly over budget by the time we cover delivery. It’s also a little on the large side. Like, so large, we’d have to sell all other furniture in the living room except the coffee table. The other one is kind of a strange color (at least according to me…dark blue?) and over budged by $200, but brand new. We also would be able to keep my favorite chair in the living room as opposed to selling it.

We’ve also got to figure out what to do with the old couch. If I had it my way, we’d burn it in the street, but the neighbors might not appreciate that as much as I would.

Happy Monday.


Pinky: The tale of a turquoise bike

One of my favorite other blogs to read recently did a post about the ghetto (read http://mooselicker.wordpress.com/2012/01/25/ghettos/), which inspired me to tell you guys about my own run-in with the ghetto. While I was still in college, I lived (with J-brid) in a tiny apartment about a half a mile away from campus. The people beside me were in a band, the little asian girls that lived above us eventually burned their apartment down & people were always breaking into the pool area at 2 am to have parties. Occasionally, there were gunshots. The carwash up the street always had black Escalades with tinted windows parked there. Yes, we were indeed in the ghetto.

I used to ride my bike that I lovingly named Pinky to school everyday. I had to park Pinky outside my apartment, but I chained her up to the railing, oh I dunno, 4 feet from my front door. She had a little registration tag on her so that she could also be parked on campus without being towed? or whatever they do to unregistered bikes.

The morning that Pinky went missing, I was supposed to have a meeting with the chancellor’s wife, so I had on my best outfit. That’s when I noticed…Pinky was gone. J-bird & I decided before the meeting (we had like 2 hours) we’d go to the on-campus security office to report her as missing. They told us to call the police. We called the police. They told us to call campus security. You get the idea. I was given the run-around. Bummed that Pinky may be gone forever, we began walking to my meeting, as J-bird yelled, There! Over there she is! I immediately looked up to see a young thug in a blue jacket riding my Pinky down the road! I dailed the police back as we took off running. I’m pursuing the bike suspect on foot! I yelled to cop.

We followed the thug all the way to the library (yea exactly where I’d go too with a stolen bike) where we watched him chain it to a tree. The cops then met us there to get a full description of the suspect. Then we had to wait 2 hours while they searched the library for the thug to arrest him…yes. Over a bike. Yes, I missed my meeting, having to send a classmate in my place.

Turns out the thug was a 12 year old child…that just wanted a bike. Nonetheless, Pinky went back home with me that day & we happily spent the rest of the school year together. Then, I moved to another ghetto.

Stay safe out there.


Urgent Care: Ghetto Edition, Rims Included

If you’ve been keeping up with my twitter updates, you know I’ve been sick. It all started Thursday morning with a stuffy nose, body aches, fever…you know, the works. Since my job doesn’t allow for me to call out, I went to work. Thursday, Friday & Saturday. By Saturday evening I was convinced I had something worse than the common cold like cancer. Or strep throat.

So, J-bird & I sat out to find the only urgent care open after I got off work Saturday evening. In the middle of the ghetto. It was in the same building as a store that sold rims. Yes, as in RIMS TO GO ON THE TIRES OF YOUR CADILLAC. It was pouring down rain as we ran into the building with a neon sign flashing “open”. The girl at the front look pissed we were there, but she asked how I was doing. Seriously? How the hell do you think I’m doing, bimbo? Fanflippintastic. Anyway, I filled out the paperwork as the girl joked around with some guy behind the glass. They were laughing loudly and having a terrific time. The nurse called me back (yes, we were the only people there) after only a few minutes. The nurse looked to be younger than me…by a few years. Making her what? 20?

Anyway, I told her my symptoms, she told me they’d do a few tests & the doctor would tell me the results. They took us to the examination room…which looked like it was straight from one of the Saw movies. And to make matters worse? The walls were poop green. I mean, who choose that color? They couldn’t just go with light grey or something? They had to do a pee test, which is the worst. I pee’d halfway in the cup, halfway all over my hand in this tiny little shithole bathroom. Then I forgot what the nurse told me what to do with the cup when I was finished, so I wondered around the hallways looking for her, carrying my own pee. When I couldn’t find her anywhere (or anyone, for that matter), I was pretty sure we were about to be murdered, so I went to find J-bird. He gives me his blank stare, Why are you carrying your pee? I shrug. I can’t find the nurse and I don’t know what she told me to do with it. I mean, there was a table near the bathroom, was I supposed to leave it there? Now he’s giving me his crazy look. Well it depends on the kind of table it was. Did it have a lamp & flowers on it or did it have like medical stuff on it? I think I have a migraine. Does this look like a flower-&-lamp kinda place to you? Here. Take my pee back over there. I’m too weak to walk. He doesn’t move. I’m not touching that cup.

About that time, the nurse reappears from killing other patients to test the pee & swab me for strep. The doctor walks in a few minutes later, pokes me…then says I have a sinus infection. Sure, if he says so. I’m on antibiotics & the road to recovery. Oh, & now I know where to get some sweet rims for my ride.