Tag Archives: crazy

Nipples, jellyfish & bellybuttons: a week with my family.

I’m officially back from vacation! I must say that between terrorizing my younger cousins and being terrorized by my cousins I’m ready for another vacation.

I’ll just highlight a few things about the trip. Let’s see, shall we do a list? Let’s do.

  • My cousin got third degree burns on his nipple. Apparently if you put salt & ice together, it burns your skin off?
  • That same cousin got stung by a jelly fish & I taught him how to pee on his sting.
  • J-Bird woke me up at 6 am to go bike riding on the island we were staying on.
  • My mom danced in front of God and everyone in a beachwear store. I’m pretty sure they considered kicking us out.
  • My brother’s girlfriend talked me into trying on ridiculous bathing suits while my mom danced.
  • A different cousin went off to get her bellybutton pierced. She’s only 15.
  • That same cousin spilled Cheeze-Itz all over my bedroom floor, so we had little orange crumbs everywhere like the entire week.
  • We visited the local aquarium. I petted a bamboo shark. I also yelled at a small Asian man in the cafe for not giving me a free refill on my drink.
  • During the family photo shoot, I fell off a stool & still have the bruise to show for it.
  • My mom & I purchased matching sweatshirts.
  • I called 911 on two guys that hit my mom’s car with fireworks on the 4th of July.

So there it is. My vacation, which I know is a stretch in the meaning of the word, in a nutshell. I go back to work today. Back to life. Back to reality.


No, this isn’t the latest reality TV show. It’s worse.

Can you imagine 20ish people staying in a beach house for an entire week without killing each other? No, this isn’t the latest reality TV show.

Welcome to my yearly 4th of July family beach trip, which officially starts this Saturday.

Its our family tradition (on my mom’s side) to all pile into a beach front house & stay together for our “vacation”. Which usually ends up being so stressful, as you can imagine, that it doesn’t feel like a vacation at all. Family members include: my grandparents, my aunt, my batty cousin, 12 million bratty cousins, 1 cool cousin, 2 cousin’s boyfriends, my mom, my brother (Reese, who’s flying in from California today for this wondrous adventure) & Reese’s girlfriend. Oh yea, & the two most important people: J-Bird & I. In case you lost count, that’s a lot of people.

I’m excited. No, I’m dreading it. No, I don’t know what the hell I am. I want a week off of work & to see Reese (it’s been awhile since I’ve seen him). Just thought I’d give you all a heads up that you may not hear from me next week. Or ever if I don’t make it out alive.


Hey look! I’m going to be the crazy cat lady with an over-crowded house.

I have some seriously exciting news for you guys (even if my title proclaims otherwise)! J-Bird & I are adopting a cat from the humane society!

It all started about a week ago when I was out with a few coworkers for lunch. The girls & I decided to stop by a pet store & there she was: Maya! She was soooo cute that I immediately fell in love with her & knew I wanted her to come home with me. Later that evening, I picked J-Bird up from work & took him to see her.

Since then, we’ve been put in contact with her foster mom & all the plans are made to do the adoption on July 7. We’re so pumped!

The other piece of news (yea, there’s more) is that we’re getting 2 new roommates by the third week of July. I don’t know yet how I feel about this. All I really know is that they’re both college students, females and biochem majors. I hope we like them, but the Amityville house is about to get real crowded.

Don’t worry, I’ll keep you guys posted.


I realized as I walked down the sidewalk, I was not driving my car.

My day has been unglamorous. It all started late last night with the rash from hell that started appearing in random spots all over my body making it impossible for me to sleep. Red spots, itchy, scratch, bleed, cry, scab. Yes, that was my entire night routine. You see, when I do not get enough sleep, I’m prone to migraines, as my migraine meds do not have the chance to work properly.

That’s when things like today happen. When you think you hit rock bottom you realize you hit a boulder & rolled off only to fall further down. Alright, fine, you caught me, I’m being over dramatic. Maybe. I did have a rough day.

Work at the dress shop started out relatively normal, we were really busy for a Friday, but nothing I couldn’t handle. Then my least favorite manager entered. I can usually play it cool, have thick skin, whatever, but today, she yelled at me & I lost it. I went to find my other manager (technically the assistant) & burst out in tears in the break room. Something you should know about me? I am certainly not a crier. Especially not in front of people. Between sniffles I told her that I wasn’t quitting because that wasn’t the kind of person I was, but that I needed to go home.

Once I arrived home, I walked & walked all around our block to clear my mind. I really have to figure out where I’m going with my life. I then almost had a meltdown because I thought someone had taken my parking spot at my house to realize that it was MY car in my parking spot, as I was walking not driving.

Off to locate my mind & take an oatmeal bath to relieve the itching.


A whore, a latina, a theater major, a black girl & a potentially gay guy all walk into a bar…

Oh, wait. Those are all my ex or current roommates. And there are more to come as soon as Nick moves out this summer. I decided to make you guys a list of all my past roommates (& the one current one) so you can see that I have about a 50/50 shot of getting a good roommate as my next one. You see, they haven’t all been bad. Believe it or not, I’ve actually liked a few of them. So, now, one of my favsies things, a list:

1. Dina, The Whore. I don’t normally call people mean names (ok, maybe I do), but I only call it as I see it. This chick was craycray. She was my roomie my freshman year of college. The first night in the dorms, she had let a few of her “friends” borrow her keys to come to our room to use her bed for sex…at 3 am. They stumbled in, sat on my bed (which was closest to the door) and nearly gave me a heart attack. I completely freaked out & told them to get out immediately. Other episodes include, but are not limited to: finding Dina a few doors down passed out missing her shoe, giving her endless advice on lingerie, & hearing all about the drama between boyfriend number 1 (in New York, at home) & boyfriend number 2 (in college).

2. Emilia, The Latina. Emilia moved in a mere week after Dina moved out. I didn’t know what to expect from her, but she seemed sooo much nicer than Dina I was super excited to see if we’d become friends. Thankfully, we did. In fact, we became very best friends. We went everywhere together, did everything together. We’d stay up late & gossip about boys (I was still very single & ready to mingle at the time & had my eyes set on my figure drawing model, but I’ll save that story for another blog post) & watching episodes of Sex & the City. When summer came, we went our separate ways, even crying as we said our goodbyes & unfortunately never really spoke again.

3. Melissa, The Black Girl. We lived together for a mere 2 weeks the beginning of my Sophomore year of college. I suppose I really was that bad to live with. We got along alright, hell, the night before she moved out she invited me out with pizza with her friends because my boyfriend & I had just broken up. The very next day, though, I came back from class & all her stuff was gone. Just like that. Never to be heard from again.

4. Naomi, The Theater Major. Thing is, I hate living alone, so once Melissa was gone I was on the hunt for a new roomie. 2 weeks after she’d moved out, a cool girl named Naomi came knocking at my door. She moved in the next day. Thing is, we were both artsy, so we had an understanding of each other, which was nice, but we never became good friends, which was also nice. We were just that terrific middle ground. We could go have lunch, then enjoy a quite evening in the dorm room together without feeling obligated to talk to one another. I lived with Naomi until I started dating J-Bird & moved in with him.

5. Nick, The Potentially Gay Guy. Here’s the thing. I poke fun of Nick a lot. Mostly because I do not like living with a roomie at this point in my life. I also just generally do not particularly like him. I mean, isn’t he too old for guy sleepovers at this point? And they’re always so loud. Also, just as a disclaimer, I do not actually think he is gay, nor do I have an issue with gay people. Just sayin’. He also parks his car in such a way that I can’t really get my car out because his car will not fit into his carport because of his foosball table. Yea, so there’s that. He never does his dishes & I’m pretty sure he’s gonna burn the house down one day trying to use the oven. We share the kitchen.

So, if I’m figuring this up right, the next roomie should be pretty top-notch, right? I don’t need a new freaking best friend forever. I need a decent human being that might want to have a board game night with us once a month & likes Harry Potter. Geez, is that too much to ask for?!

I’ll keep you guys posted foshizzle.


I saw my roomie in his boxers AND became friends with a Mexican. All in the same week.

This entire week has been a little crazy. Actually, crazy doesn’t even begin to describe it. Monday morning started off quietly, but as soon as the clock hit 8 am, we heard a knock at the door. As of that moment, madness ensued. 30 guys entered the house, 95% of them didn’t know English, to install our brand-spanking new heating & cooling system for the house. My father-in-law paid to have it installed, figuring it would up the value of the house.

The guys didn’t show us a blueprint of what was going down, they just started chopping holes in walls/ceilings/floors & we hoped for the best. Every single day we tried to ask what was going on, but the language/knowledge barrier put a major strain on things, leaving J-Bird & I completely in the dark. One of us had to be here at all times, to watch & make sure no one was destroying our precious belongings. Each day, we had to struggle to get into our roommate’s (Nick) side of the house because he thinks its cool to lock us out (even though he knew people we coming to work on the house).

The first day, I decided to be a part in waking Nick to get into his side of the house. We beat on the door for 15 minutes to eventually find that his door leading to the outside of the house was open. Great. Way to let robbers & ax murderers in. We then beat on his bedroom door to let him know there was going to be lots of noise & people on his side of the house. He decided it would be okay to stumble out in his boxers. My eyes are still bleeding from this hideous sight.

Each day, we slowly watched half our pantry be destroyed, then the coat closet, then J-Bird’s clothing closet. Chunks of wood & dust flew everywhere. The house sounded as if it were going to cave in at any given moment. I think I became friends with a Mexican construction worker & one of the guys caulking my fireplace with 4 kids.

After everything was mopped & vaccummed said & done I’m super happy the house is one temperature. Ah, modern technology. I also almost miss my new friends, but I’ll do a post about how hard it is for me to make friends tomorrow. Stay tuned.


The fourth anniversary of my 21st birthday.

Today is, as you may have guessed, my birthday! In honor of that, today’s post will highlight my craziest birthday, most memorable birthday, the weirdest thing I ever bought while drunk on my birthday, & what I really want for my birthday this year. Here we go!!!

1. My Craziest Birthday EVVERR. This one requires a little background info to make sense (& still probably won’t make that much sense). So, in high school, I had this BFF (yea, we all went there, had that) & we did everything together. I know, in hindsight, super cheesy. But, our birthdays were only a few weeks apart, so for like 4 years we picked a Saturday between our birthdays & threw a party together for all of our friends. I know, could I possibly get any more Disney movie cheesy right now? Its literally like I turned into a character from Hannah Montana. Anyway, for our 15th birthday, our parents agreed to let us rent out a nearby club to have our party there. Yea you heard me right. We were turning 15. I know, I know, I wouldn’t let my child do it either, over my dead body, so on & so forth. IHAVENOIDEAWHATMYPARENTSWERETHINKING. So yea, we rented the entire place out, dressed in clothes that we probably shouldn’t have been wearing at that age & put on our makeup too heavily…& danced. With boys. I know. I have no idea how I didn’t turn out to be a stripper, either.

2. Most Memorable Birthday! So, this one’s just as cheesified as the first, but doesn’t involve the word “stripper” so that’s a step in the right direction. When I turned 12, the Backstreet Boys were the coolest boy band around (well if you were a pre-teen chick that didn’t like N’Sync). It just so happened that they were going to be in the city an hour away from where we were living at the time on the night of my birthday. My parents literally may have done business with coke dealers to get us tickets to this freaking show. But, they got the tickets & we had amazing seats & I was excited for months. So, even though I am no longer a fan (and my fandom only lasted as long as my excitement), it was a very memorable birthday for me & always will be.

3. The Weirdest Thing I Ever Bought While Drunk On My Birthday…was a birdcage. But, in my defense, it was supposed to be decorative, I think. I dunno. I get up to the cashier & she askes me what kind of bird I have…I’m like I don’t have a bird! She’s looking at me like I’ve lost it & I look over & J-bird is walking out the door. That’s how most of our shopping trips end though.

4. What I REALLY Want For My Birthday This Year.

Or really anything with glitter on it. Or just a tub of glitter. I’m quite simple really.