Shit J-Bird Says

J-Bird is typically a pretty serious guy. Thing is, he’s really good at one-liners. He’ll just turn around & hit you with the most random shit you’ve ever heard & it’ll usually be pretty hilarious. Or he’ll say stuff that us normal people wouldn’t usually say in our everyday lives. When I have a pen nearby, I write those one-liners & random stuff down for your viewing pleasure, so I’ll be updating this section on the reg.


“You punched me in my honkshoo.”


On fixing his work pants: “I wonder if I could cannibalize this & steal the thread from them.”


On rap: “I think I can kinda understand the whole gang mentality thing cuz if I lived near the people that made this crap I’d want to kill them too.”


On the closet door in our old house: “Why are these hinges so well oiled? I barely touched it & it just kept going…it was like friction ceased to exist for a moment.”


On marketing: “Who’s this for? The gay business man? Its all professional with just a hint of fabulous!”


On moving back to the cheaper side of town: “Didn’t you read my Eharmony profile? ‘Enjoys long walks in the ghetto & getting stabbed.'”


On meeting someone from Craigslist: “I don’t think ax murderers have a schedule. They would have been able to meet us any day.”


“We’ve got an infestation of zombie insects in our house.”


On moving to Mexico: “Spanish is like the developmentally challenged stepbrother to French.”


“I didn’t have a train of thought, I had a moped of thought.”

4 thoughts on “Shit J-Bird Says

    1. I would LOVE that. I don’t know if he would let me. I can’t even use his real name on here, though. Most of our friends don’t know I do the blogging thing & he likes to stay low key.

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