Category Archives: Humor

I just found out how P. Diddy feels in the morning.

Oddly enough, he feels not as hungover as you’d expect and actually pretty good. He also finds glitter in places glitter shouldn’t be. You’re probably wondering how I know how P. Diddy feels in the morning…well, I attended a Ke$ha concert with J-Bird.

It’s actually been one of my long running dreams to see Ke$ha in concert for a while now, so I’m pumped that I got the opportunity to rock out with her. My favorite part of the concert may not have been the music, though. No, I’m not one of those people walking around claiming Ke$ha doesn’t have talent or whatever, I just enjoyed seeing everyone’s outfits. Tutus, glitter, drag queens, fish nets, more glitter, bunny ears, and flower halos. Fantastically wonderful. I actually made my own temporary glitter tattoos to wear and wish I could dress that way every day (my job would not allow for this).

Anyway, we partied hard, there was glitter covering everything (even the walk back to the car afterwards…which was 3 blocks away), Ke$ha is awesome and I love her.

Also, glitter is the new black.

BrennaG.

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Maybe I’ll just throw the organic mustard at her.

Not one, but two. In certain cases two can be better than one. Eyes, ears, bathrooms, pant legs, shoes, earrings, scoops of ice cream. In this case, however two is not better than one.

Roommates. That’s what I’m referring to. Our two roommates moved in this past week. Alice & Mei. It’s been an interesting week.

I’m already so fed up I’m ready to move out. Like on the street if I have to. Which might be what’s going to need to happen. Let’s get a rundown of what all has happened so far to drive me to wanting to rip my hair out.

A little background info is in order. J-Bird & I live in one side of the house, the downstairs is mostly a sitting/living room area for us, then we have the upstairs portion of the house as well which includes our art room, bedroom & guest room. We share the kitchen & basement with the roommates. They live in the backside of the house.

First, Mei cleaned out the microwave. I don’t know why, but this really bothered me. Microwaves are supposed to be dirty. Duh. You explode your food in them. That’s just how it happens.

She also only eats organic food. Psh. Who can afford that? Organic mustard? What the hell is that?

Alice put her food in our cabinets in the kitchen even though there’s empty space right below those cabinets. I don’t like it when my food mingles with my roommate’s food. Not cool. She also put her pots & pans with ours. Again…we left cabinets empty specifically for her to use. Maybe she’s blind.

But here’s the icing on the cake. This evening I’m upstairs writing this blog post when J-Bird comes upstairs with his angry face on. She’s in our side of the house, he grumbled. Raised eyebrows I reply with, What do you mean? Like she crossed over? Like stepped to our side? He sighed. Yea, Alice came in, sat down on our couch with her cell phone, and said hello to me. Confused, I stared for a second before saying, What do we do? Do we kick her out? Let her stay? Make her pay our rent? He shrugged.

As of right now, she headed back to “her side”, but she left a book & cell phone on “our side”. Apparently she doesn’t know the difference though. Looks like there’s about to be a throw-down in the Amityville house this fine evening.

 

BrennaG.

I don’t want to loose a door whilst driving 70 mph down interstate.

J-Bird & I have recently been immersed in the idea of car shopping. Now, I say idea because I’m still not entirely sure we’re ready to take it any further than that. The thought of buying a new car (& by “new” I, of course, mean “used”. What do we look like? Bazillionaires?) is catchy, but perhaps not realistic. Then again, will it ever be?

Now, let’s get a few things straight. As I may have mentioned before, J-Bird & I share a car. Another term I use loosely: share. By share, I mean, he doesn’t have a driver’s license so we solely depend on me to get us everywhere, on time, everyday. Sounds like a big deal, but it’s always been that way, so for me it’s not an issue. That does mean, however, that in the case of a new car, it will need to be mostly approved by me because I’ll be the one driving it.

Also, this will be my third car. Which seems like a lot to me. I’m going through more cars than underwear in a week at this point. That would be three cars in 8, almost 9 years. Seems excessive. In my defense, my first car was wrecked & it wasn’t my fault. I’d probably still have that car had it not been wrecked, but I digress.

Now, you guys are probably wondering why we’re even considering a new car at this point. I’ve had my current car for barely 2 years & just looking at it you’d think it was in fine shape. Except, it’s not. We’ve had a lot of problems out of it, spent quite a bit of money on repairs & it still clanks around like a door or bumper could fall off at any given second. I’m thinking sell it or trade it while we can still get some money out of it.

My ideas for car options currently are a Mazda3 or a Pontiac G6.

Thoughts? Anyone own either of these cars? Had experiences buying new cars? I’d like to hear from you.

BrennaG.

I don’t murder people. And, oh, a picture of a cat!

Most of you (that may or may not still be with me at this point) are probably wondering where I’ve been. It’s been a weird past few weeks. Of course. This is me we’re talking about. I just didn’t want any of you to think I’d forgotten I have a blog. I didn’t.

I’ve just had this nosebleed thing going on. Like where my nose just starts bleeding & won’t stop. Then I look like I murdered an entire country & things get really ugly after that. Apparently, I busted some blood vessel in my nose & well, its causing me some issues. And tissues. Anyway, it’s caused my energy level to be really low & I’ve been feeling kinda lousy & my face has been sorta swelly. You get the idea. Not pretty. Literally.

Now that we’re done talking about gross things I can show you a picture of Maya! Yay! Ending on a cute note!

More pics are probably to come? I don’t know. She hates when my camera goes “click”. She also gets all diva on me when I try to get pictures of her. We’ll see.

Hope all is well in your world,

BrennaG.

If it weren’t for bad luck I’d have absofreakinlutely no luck at all.

We finally got a pet! A cat, actually. You may have read my post before about adopting her. Her name is Maya. She’s beautiful & I adore her. We actually got her from her foster mom on Saturday & she’s been adapting to the Amityville house quite gracefully.

So, at this point you’re sitting there thinking, Brenna, what’s up with the title? Everything sounds totally hunky dory in your world!

Here we go: Apparently, I’m allergic to cats. Wait. Yea. You totally read that right. I’m seriously no joke allergic to my precious new-found buddy. I had no idea, obviously. I’d been around cats my entire childhood & never had any issues. My father in law has a cat currently & I’ve never noticed anything strange around him. But, if Maya starts licking me, I break out. Like, large red itchy bumps. Swelling. Its terrible.

However, we’ve decided to keep her. I’m already in love with her. She’s my snuggle bunny. But if you guys have any suggestions, please do let me know. Also, I’ll take pics of her because I know you guys are dying to see!

BrennaG.

Nipples, jellyfish & bellybuttons: a week with my family.

I’m officially back from vacation! I must say that between terrorizing my younger cousins and being terrorized by my cousins I’m ready for another vacation.

I’ll just highlight a few things about the trip. Let’s see, shall we do a list? Let’s do.

  • My cousin got third degree burns on his nipple. Apparently if you put salt & ice together, it burns your skin off?
  • That same cousin got stung by a jelly fish & I taught him how to pee on his sting.
  • J-Bird woke me up at 6 am to go bike riding on the island we were staying on.
  • My mom danced in front of God and everyone in a beachwear store. I’m pretty sure they considered kicking us out.
  • My brother’s girlfriend talked me into trying on ridiculous bathing suits while my mom danced.
  • A different cousin went off to get her bellybutton pierced. She’s only 15.
  • That same cousin spilled Cheeze-Itz all over my bedroom floor, so we had little orange crumbs everywhere like the entire week.
  • We visited the local aquarium. I petted a bamboo shark. I also yelled at a small Asian man in the cafe for not giving me a free refill on my drink.
  • During the family photo shoot, I fell off a stool & still have the bruise to show for it.
  • My mom & I purchased matching sweatshirts.
  • I called 911 on two guys that hit my mom’s car with fireworks on the 4th of July.

So there it is. My vacation, which I know is a stretch in the meaning of the word, in a nutshell. I go back to work today. Back to life. Back to reality.

BrennaG.

No, this isn’t the latest reality TV show. It’s worse.

Can you imagine 20ish people staying in a beach house for an entire week without killing each other? No, this isn’t the latest reality TV show.

Welcome to my yearly 4th of July family beach trip, which officially starts this Saturday.

Its our family tradition (on my mom’s side) to all pile into a beach front house & stay together for our “vacation”. Which usually ends up being so stressful, as you can imagine, that it doesn’t feel like a vacation at all. Family members include: my grandparents, my aunt, my batty cousin, 12 million bratty cousins, 1 cool cousin, 2 cousin’s boyfriends, my mom, my brother (Reese, who’s flying in from California today for this wondrous adventure) & Reese’s girlfriend. Oh yea, & the two most important people: J-Bird & I. In case you lost count, that’s a lot of people.

I’m excited. No, I’m dreading it. No, I don’t know what the hell I am. I want a week off of work & to see Reese (it’s been awhile since I’ve seen him). Just thought I’d give you all a heads up that you may not hear from me next week. Or ever if I don’t make it out alive.

BrennaG.

Hey look! I’m going to be the crazy cat lady with an over-crowded house.

I have some seriously exciting news for you guys (even if my title proclaims otherwise)! J-Bird & I are adopting a cat from the humane society!

It all started about a week ago when I was out with a few coworkers for lunch. The girls & I decided to stop by a pet store & there she was: Maya! She was soooo cute that I immediately fell in love with her & knew I wanted her to come home with me. Later that evening, I picked J-Bird up from work & took him to see her.

Since then, we’ve been put in contact with her foster mom & all the plans are made to do the adoption on July 7. We’re so pumped!

The other piece of news (yea, there’s more) is that we’re getting 2 new roommates by the third week of July. I don’t know yet how I feel about this. All I really know is that they’re both college students, females and biochem majors. I hope we like them, but the Amityville house is about to get real crowded.

Don’t worry, I’ll keep you guys posted.

BrennaG.

My hair will smell of weed, sweat & beer for the next week.

That’s just what rap concerts do to you. In a roundabout random turn of events, I (the most unlikely suspect) ended up at a rap concert tonight. Somehow, an old college buddy of mine had gotten free tickets from work & invited me to tag along.

I prepared myself after work this afternoon by trying to make myself look cool. You know? I figured that’s what I should do for a rap concert. Leggings, a tunic & a belt. Gladiator sandals. Purple glitter nail polish. Big purple earrings. From that description, you’d think I was going to an 80’s party, but I swear, I looked mildly alright.

Admittedly, I was a little afraid I’d be the only white person there. Not that I have a problem with that, but it may have been a little awkward. I wasn’t, but I was the only white person in our little group that went together. I’m happy to report we joked around about it & I made a few new friends tonight, which is always terrific!

I also have to admit that I didn’t really know any of the rappers performing. They were: 2 Chains, J. Cole & Drake. Now, I’ve heard of Drake (who hasn’t?), but I still didn’t really know any of his songs, but I still danced like I did & had a really good time. Surprisingly, I think J. Cole was my favorite of the three.

Bottom line? I had a blast dancing the night away & I would definitely do it again.

BrennaG.

A Mashup of my week.

Its been an insanely busy week. You may have guessed this by my lack of presence here with you. Let me give you the run down!

Sunday- Yard work galore! I told you guys about the electric lawn mower & I highly suggest you DO NOT BUY ONE. Ever. It took us 3 hours to mow our tiny barren yard. We actually did have to go back with scissors and physically cut what the lawn mower missed or couldn’t get to (which I had joked about in an earlier post…totally not funny.) On the bright side, we made a trip to Lowe’s & I got some new little cacti to add to my growing collection of house plants. By the way, I do name all of my house plants, so let me give you the roll call: there’s Perle (a Perle Von Nurnberg plant), Perle Jr., Mimi (also a Perle Von Nurnberg), Lola (Aloe), Bertha (Christmas cactus), Gary & Thurston (both Gary & Thurston are my newest cacti, I’ll get you guys some pics soon). Stop judging me. Right now.

Monday- I honestly have no idea what Monday consisted of. Work & Mondayness I’m assuming.

Tuesday- Our best friends from a few cities over, Haley & Justin (whom I’ve posted about before) came into town to stay with us for a few days. Now, we love Haley & Justin because we can hang out as a couple & they’re hilarious. Plus, we like mostly all the same things. Its terrific. We took them out to our favorite restaurant (of course) & had a blast. Then we played Apples to Apples where I clearly remember winning (some other people in our group may remember it happening another way though).

Wednesday- We went to the Museum of Natural Sciences. Saw all sorts of cool things. Ran around like little kids. I lost my dollar sunglasses and whined the entire day. We saw a 3D movie about Dinosaurs that J-Bird & Justin went craycray over. I thought they were going to get us kicked out for trying to steal the nerdy glasses they give you.

Thursday- J-Bird & I had to head back to work. I had a busy day at the dress shop as there was a huge manager’s meeting in our store, but we got to see Haley & Justin briefly before they headed back home that evening.

I’ve worked the past 2 days…sooo you see? Busy week! I’ve been pooped. Nonetheless, I hope your week has been as eventful as mine!!

BrennaG.