I was just diagnosed with fake cancer and we’re moving to fake Hong Kong.

Yea, you guessed it, my ex best friend that is still kind of my friend but not really is getting married. Oh yea, and I’m a bridesmaid. Why? Why did I agree to torture myself with bad dresses, drama and fluffy hair? Because she was my matron of honor 3 years ago.

Long story short, our non friendship goes way back, and our friendship goes back even further…like 15 years. Ugh. I’m old. Sidetracked, sorry. She’s a manipulative, crazy drama queen any day of the week. Now multiply that times 10 to get bridezilla on steroids. Anyway, her colors are cotton candy pink and blue. I’m one of the unlucky souls that gets to wear the blue one (um, thankfully?) but she keeps changing her mind about the actual dress. Currently, I own a bridesmaid dress that was shipped from the Chinese blackmarket that doesn’t fit, if any of you are in need of one. It costs 200 pesos…

J-Bird and I were trying to come up with a way for me to avoid the wedding drama without being too harsh and since I can’t fake my own death because I want to keep my facebook account, we decided that I should have cancer and we’re going to move to Hong Kong.

FML.

BrennaG.

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