Monthly Archives: March 2014

I was just diagnosed with fake cancer and we’re moving to fake Hong Kong.

Yea, you guessed it, my ex best friend that is still kind of my friend but not really is getting married. Oh yea, and I’m a bridesmaid. Why? Why did I agree to torture myself with bad dresses, drama and fluffy hair? Because she was my matron of honor 3 years ago.

Long story short, our non friendship goes way back, and our friendship goes back even further…like 15 years. Ugh. I’m old. Sidetracked, sorry. She’s a manipulative, crazy drama queen any day of the week. Now multiply that times 10 to get bridezilla on steroids. Anyway, her colors are cotton candy pink and blue. I’m one of the unlucky souls that gets to wear the blue one (um, thankfully?) but she keeps changing her mind about the actual dress. Currently, I own a bridesmaid dress that was shipped from the Chinese blackmarket that doesn’t fit, if any of you are in need of one. It costs 200 pesos…

J-Bird and I were trying to come up with a way for me to avoid the wedding drama without being too harsh and since I can’t fake my own death because I want to keep my facebook account, we decided that I should have cancer and we’re going to move to Hong Kong.

FML.

BrennaG.

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Oh my lanta, it’s Hotlanta.

J-Bird and I took a 3 day mini vaykay to Atlanta to sightsee, do fun things, shop and go to a concert. I’d forgotten how much I like Atlanta. It’s been 12 long years since I’d been there, but it really is a cool city with alot of crazy people and insane drivers. All this time I thought I had converted over to a city girl but then I go to a place like Atlanta and feel like a total noob on the subway and realize…I’m somewhere in between city and country girl. Suburban living is my thing, perhaps.

Anyway, we saw Ellie Goulding in concert at the most amazing venue, the Fox Theater. If any of you guys have ever been there you know how awesome this place is…the decor, the lights, the seating…awesome. Also, Ellie is my favorite. Need I say more?

We also went on a tour of some the places The Walking Dead is filmed. Ummm…that, in and of itself was almost as awesome as the concert. Met some cool people. Got called zombie hunters. Made friends with a random ass cat.

We had breakfast at Ikea over the Atlanta skyline. Mmmmm…lingonberry juice…swedish pancakes…princess cake….these are the things happiness is made of.

BrennaG.

 

I can’t have pie because I lied to Jesus.

The strange knock at the door this morning left J-Bird and I staring at each other an entire 10 seconds before either of us moved. He was shirtless, so I said I’d get it. Mistake.

As I flung the door open, I saw 2 men dressed in their Sunday best and I realized I was about to be converted by the Bible thumpers. Crap. As the one guy started talking, my brain ran through excuses: my cat needed me, I was in the middle of spring cleaning, my husband was dying upstairs, fainting…we’re atheists, but thank you for stopping by is what I suddenly blurted out before my brain even had a chance to process what was happening.

The guy didn’t miss a beat, Why? What brought you to that decision?. Alright brain, you had taken control the first time, go ahead. But this time I didn’t have an answer. That’s because my first statement hadn’t been entirely true. You see, J-Bird and I just aren’t religious people, but not only that, we just don’t talk about it very much. Oh, we’re just more spiritual than religious, but you guys have a good day. That’s all I could tell the guy at the moment.

I then realized that J-Bird and I need to DTR [define the relationship] with Jesus.

to be continued…BrennaG

If she really had that much money, she’d wear cuter shoes.

I’m referring to the new girl at work. Now, before I explain too much about her, let me first say that I do like her. Not like her in that I’d be friends with her or that I’d hang out with her or I’d go out of my way to be nice, but I’ll compliment her hair on a good day. She’s annoying though. Really annoying. Like 63% of the time.

Her name is Tina and the first time I met her she made fun of my car for being too small. I call it economical. She drives a large crossover, smokes, and constantly brags about how much money she has. This bothers me. I don’t think it’s jealousy, I think I’m genuinely annoyed because I’m not interested in her finances.

Also, if all this were true, she should buy better fucking shoes.

 

BrennaG

I’m an infamous negotiator, seriously, take me to the flea market.

I had my quarterly review at the print shop I now work for this past week. I went in thinking, I can either ask for a pay raise or not because it’s too soon, either way, I’ll see how the meeting goes and wing it. Toward the end of the meeting my boss, whom I lovingly refer to as Crazy Pants, said I’d get a bonus on my next paycheck. Great! Was this the lead in for asking for a raise? Or him shooing me away so I didn’t ask for one?

Since I wasn’t sure, I negotiated. You see, we have these polo shirts that are the only part of a dress code of any kind that we have…but I want more colors because I felt that my first batch was a set of boring colors. And I can be a bit of a fashionista. So…I said “Crazy Pants, thank you for the bonus, but I need a little more, so you can either give me $1 raise or order me 5 more shirts.”

The shirts won. I left happy, my husband, J-Bird, not so happy with my “negotiation skills” or lack thereof.

 

BrennaG

It’s been 13,148,719 seconds since I stopped caring.

Well my math may be off. It usually is. Essentially, that’s when everything in my life changed…for the better, that is. I walked out on my job at the dress shop as a manager because they were being bitchy and I took a leap of faith to figure out who I really was.

Not that I know who I am now, I’m just…closer than I was 13,148,800 seconds ago.

I started my semi-dream job as a graphic designer. And well, that’s what I DO. I make art. Of the design kind, but also of other kinds, which I hadn’t done in awhile. Finally after all this time, I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

So, why do I say I stop caring? You don’t understand. Dress shop=stuffy corporate-pencil skirt-no creativity-too nice to everyone-high heels-dirty backstabbing bitch world. I don’t care about any of that any more. I’ve found sweet freedom.

 

As always,

Brenna G.