I’ve fallen & I’m still not back up.

If you’re one of my past readers that’s decided to rejoin, welcome back, if you’re a new reader, welcome aboard. It’s been a year since I’ve been out and about in the blogging world and really is anyone out there still?

Anyway, some of you are wondering what the fuck happened. Well, I didn’t give up, that’s for damn sure.

From the time I was a tiny tot I could always remember having my shit together. Being the kid that was shy, quiet, well behaved and unassuming. I never caused trouble. I could play by myself or get along with others. I’d share my toys. In school, I’d do my homework and study for all the right tests. A good kid. Knew what I wanted: to be happy, successful and never have children so I could travel.

I went to college like I was supposed to, had my shit together there, met J-Bird, graduated with honors and got married the year after college. I KNEW what I wanted. To sit in an office all day doing graphic design meeting deadlines and taking a vacation once a year getting comfy and maybe get a dog or cat.

That’s when my shit became not so together anymore. That’s when I got fired from my graphic design job, couldn’t hold a steady job for more than a few months, got into a terrible wreck that changed my view on life and my medical needs. That’s when I knew I didn’t have a clue what I wanted nor did I have my shit together.

That’s about where you guys came in, I was living in the Amityville house, broke with roommates and feeling a sadness that was so deep that the despair became unbearable some days.

It’s something that’s still very difficult for me to talk about, even to those closest to me. In March 2012 I was diagnosed with depression right after trying to kill myself. It was more like I just wanted to numb the sadness more than physically remove myself from the planet. I’m on medication now and have been through therapy. Sadly, my life is still leading me on a rollercoaster ride of struggling to get better and to regain my shit.

 

This, of course is the very basics of where I’ve been but there will be more posts going more in depth about what’s happened with me and where I want to go. I hope this helps others struggling through the same issues or perhaps just helps me unload this terrible weight off my shoulders.

Always peace and love

BrennaG

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