Never trust a woman with a fake southern accent.

1938. That’s when the house we live in was built. Old. Vintage if you want to spice it up, make it sound fantastically interesting. No matter how you put it, it adds up to one thing for me: a pain in my butt.

Since moving here a mere 4 months ago we’ve had to already deal with minor issues & repairs as well as major ones (see the post about Mexicans & the heating/cooling unit). Yesterday, of course, was no exception.

J-Bird & I were excited because for once we got to sleep in. He had the day off from work & I didn’t have to be at the dress shop until 4. We had big plans to make breakfast together, but upon entering the kitchen, we got dripped on. Just so you know, getting dripped on in any section of your house is NEVER a good sign. Looking up we found that the ceiling looked like it was about to cave in & the room above that ceiling would be (our one & only) bathroom. Panic ensued.

I quickly dialed a plumber as J-bird tore the secret hiding door (that hides the plumbing) behind out dresser apart. The young lady that answered the phone at the plumber? She had a fake southern accent. Yea. Her name was Mohammed or something, she was not from around here & I immediately didn’t trust her. I explained our problem. She responded with, Oh my! That sounds like a terruble situation ta be in! I’ll need tha owner of tha house to call in, though. I hate my life.

After my father in law had set us up an appointment, the plumber arrived a mere 45 minutes later, claiming we were on the “emergency list”. Terrific. The plumber then proceeded to offend me. You see, we’d had a little snow & ice the evening before (the first of this winter & everyone in NC trips out over winter weather anyway) making the roads slightly slushy early that morning. By 10 am, everything was dry. As the plumber is making small talk with me, he asked me if classes were called off. Scowling, I answer, I wouldn’t know, I’m not a student. I then realize I only made myself look bad because his next remark is, Well I suppose work was called off then? Alright. I’m about to go over & rip his gold earring right out of his ear. Even the plumber thinks I’m a loser? Well, shit.

The plumber figures out there’s not much he can do to fix our situation in the end. Our shower is so…vintage…that he doesn’t know if he can find the proper parts to fix one leak. He temporarily fixed it. The other leak (yes, there’s not one, but two happening), we’ll have to take care of ourselves with some sort of plastic thing from Lowe’s. I don’t know. All I know is that J-Bird is excited about our trip to Lowe’s this evening.

Oh, did I mention we’re looking for a new place to live?

BrennaG.

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5 thoughts on “Never trust a woman with a fake southern accent.

  1. God, you are funny! And a fake Southern accent SUCKS; good luck finding new digs. Oh … and anything older than 20 years is considered “vintage” – can be a good thing and can be a very bad thing. Cheers!

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