A whore, a latina, a theater major, a black girl & a potentially gay guy all walk into a bar…

Oh, wait. Those are all my ex or current roommates. And there are more to come as soon as Nick moves out this summer. I decided to make you guys a list of all my past roommates (& the one current one) so you can see that I have about a 50/50 shot of getting a good roommate as my next one. You see, they haven’t all been bad. Believe it or not, I’ve actually liked a few of them. So, now, one of my favsies things, a list:

1. Dina, The Whore. I don’t normally call people mean names (ok, maybe I do), but I only call it as I see it. This chick was craycray. She was my roomie my freshman year of college. The first night in the dorms, she had let a few of her “friends” borrow her keys to come to our room to use her bed for sex…at 3 am. They stumbled in, sat on my bed (which was closest to the door) and nearly gave me a heart attack. I completely freaked out & told them to get out immediately. Other episodes include, but are not limited to: finding Dina a few doors down passed out missing her shoe, giving her endless advice on lingerie, & hearing all about the drama between boyfriend number 1 (in New York, at home) & boyfriend number 2 (in college).

2. Emilia, The Latina. Emilia moved in a mere week after Dina moved out. I didn’t know what to expect from her, but she seemed sooo much nicer than Dina I was super excited to see if we’d become friends. Thankfully, we did. In fact, we became very best friends. We went everywhere together, did everything together. We’d stay up late & gossip about boys (I was still very single & ready to mingle at the time & had my eyes set on my figure drawing model, but I’ll save that story for another blog post) & watching episodes of Sex & the City. When summer came, we went our separate ways, even crying as we said our goodbyes & unfortunately never really spoke again.

3. Melissa, The Black Girl. We lived together for a mere 2 weeks the beginning of my Sophomore year of college. I suppose I really was that bad to live with. We got along alright, hell, the night before she moved out she invited me out with pizza with her friends because my boyfriend & I had just broken up. The very next day, though, I came back from class & all her stuff was gone. Just like that. Never to be heard from again.

4. Naomi, The Theater Major. Thing is, I hate living alone, so once Melissa was gone I was on the hunt for a new roomie. 2 weeks after she’d moved out, a cool girl named Naomi came knocking at my door. She moved in the next day. Thing is, we were both artsy, so we had an understanding of each other, which was nice, but we never became good friends, which was also nice. We were just that terrific middle ground. We could go have lunch, then enjoy a quite evening in the dorm room together without feeling obligated to talk to one another. I lived with Naomi until I started dating J-Bird & moved in with him.

5. Nick, The Potentially Gay Guy. Here’s the thing. I poke fun of Nick a lot. Mostly because I do not like living with a roomie at this point in my life. I also just generally do not particularly like him. I mean, isn’t he too old for guy sleepovers at this point? And they’re always so loud. Also, just as a disclaimer, I do not actually think he is gay, nor do I have an issue with gay people. Just sayin’. He also parks his car in such a way that I can’t really get my car out because his car will not fit into his carport because of his foosball table. Yea, so there’s that. He never does his dishes & I’m pretty sure he’s gonna burn the house down one day trying to use the oven. We share the kitchen.

So, if I’m figuring this up right, the next roomie should be pretty top-notch, right? I don’t need a new freaking best friend forever. I need a decent human being that might want to have a board game night with us once a month & likes Harry Potter. Geez, is that too much to ask for?!

I’ll keep you guys posted foshizzle.

BrennaG.

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